Red Wine on Christmas

With a glass of red wine and Vince Guaraldi on
I sit by myself beside the Christmas tree
I reflect on the year and look through the greed
And like good ole Charlie Brown
I try to find meaning.
Because it's not that I mind the gifts under the tree
Infact I'm looking forward to the ones that belong to me
But I know that there's more and I know that you care
Because if you hadn't, I wouldn't be here still
So I take this small moment, on a cold Christmas eve
With a now empty wine glass and a cat at my sleeve
And say thanks to my father, whose love I still need

The Problem

I could count for years how I lost my way
And by your standards, today was not a good day
See I try and fail
And I try again... only to fail again
Oh whoa is me that I can't seem to ever get this right
G*d what must be done, when will I see the light
Or will I wander around forever
Looking for a peace that will never come?

My past remains and in this moment my futures not bright
And the struggle is seems endless but I continue to suggest a fight
But my own self is weak
And the affliction runs deep
But the choice is still mine
And I've considered defeat.

Though I pray for forgiveness and say that I'm sorry
By this time tomorrow, it's the same old story
Though G*d never gives up
I'm still breaking his heart
I feel lost and alone
Not sure where to start.

The Devil is Near But I Wouldn't Want Her Anywhere Else

My love, my love stand next to me
And wrap your frame oh so tightly
Even though all you'll cause me is pain
I love it when you're near all the same
Because despite my deep dark hate of you
There's this thing in my heart that won't go without
That smile you give is oh so nice
And if I never see it again I wouldn't think twice
Because behind those eyes, oh Gorgeous eyes
Is your sisister heart, with your evil plan
But I prayed before and I'll pray again
For God to keep you in his hands
But until the day you make your turn
I'll continue to hold you near.

je leverai les yeux a toi.

Something my friend Lindsay posted earlier today.

"Why do we live for anything but Him? Why do we chase things that are meaningless? Why do we run for things that'll kill us in the end? Why do we keep our focus on death?

Why can't we live for what we should? Why can't we run after Him with everything we have?

Oh but we can!

Why do we choose to look the other way? Why do we choose to be ignorant? Why do we choose to hold on? Why do we choose to care? Why do we choose to follow the world... even if we say we're not? Why do we fall, and stay there, instead of getting back up? Why can't we be bigger then ourselved? We never live for anything but ourselves, and i don't understand it. We're all human, we aren't perfect, but... we can strive for that.

We can put ourselves behind us, and run for the cross.

Weekend works

There's a Heartache Over the Rainbow

With every passing step she took
I knew she'd never give a look
Back the way from which she came
Her life she thought best to begin again

"The ship set sail that faithful day
And holding on, her mighty claim
That would speak of fairy tales
About her life, amist the gales

She never thought herself ordinary
A prince or king she thought she'd marry
So she left behind a common life
Only to become a sailors wife

And her one true love she left behind
Would not last long, with her gone he died
But a single tear he never shed
On wings of angels is how fled

Over the rainbow, to heaven above
To only one he really loved."



Untitled

"There's this joy in my heart that I wish I could hide
Because after joy shortly follows is pain
And try as I might to relish the moment
The tide comes in and my shattered heart washes into the sea.

And I pour myself out, to a God I can't see
Asking to fix my brokenness, and put my frantic mind at ease

Colaspsed on the shore, I feel joy returning
And I hold on too tightly
For the tide starts it's churning

A whisper is shared, with the sea coming in
My heart now restored, as my joys swept away. "

A song about a girl. Who found God... and then vanished

How could I consider letting go
Of the light, that I seen, inside her grow
To a woman, whose love you chose to show
And the grace that touched her heart.

To me you lead her wanting
For a truth, to her seemed new
And my heart leapt of prayers answered
Of the girl I always knew

But alas our time was fleeting
And she's sailed a different course
But can I just turn and leave her
My heartbeats with more remorse

...And... I'd already fallen in love...

"Forgive Me" were the only words they read...

"Reconciliation!
I hope to find through my confession
Accept this as a demonstration of love."

My Sin has a hold of Me

"What must it take for me to prove
Holy and righteous, unblemeshed to you?

But the stain on my heart runs deep within
A sick twist crimson, in the form of my sin.

Yet the only one who can take my blame
Is the very one I've put to shame.

So I hide myself from the very one
Who no matter how I try, I can't escape from.

I wish, so sincere, but a strong will I lack
And I run to whore, who's knife's in my back."

Bell of the Ball

When she enters the room
She makes every head turn
She's the Bell of the ball
She the fairest of all

But tonight is the night
With her target in sight
She'll not wait another moment
For Mr. Right to blow it

She's calling the shots
And taking her chances
While the other girls mock
And return to their dances

But she won't be dismayed
She's made up her mind
And the whole town will talk
But oh what a find

With courage in hand
And hope in her heart
She approaches the man
But has no place to start...

Confusion aside
She takes him aside
"I'm in love" she exclaims
With a smile real wide.

Back Doors Lead to Secrets

She walks into the room with presence of importance
And from my dark little corner I stare... just a moment to long

But she walks on by...

And I return to my beer, as she exits from the rear...

But for just one moment I sensed it in the air
That there was more that just happened here...

Not that I'll ever know

November Rain

She turns to me and smiles
With a look she only gives me
And I wrap my arounds her
Never wanting to let go
And her deep blue eyes search through me
So I look down to meet her gaze
And we stand embraced for hours
In the cool November rain.

I woke up inspired

Various writings throughout the day.

“Death on the Mind”

Thought after though rolled around in my head
But the one at the front was I wish she was dead.




“To Love an Orphan”

Oh little girl, in her room all alone
In the little orphanage, that you call a home.
Out the window you stare, with hope in your eyes
Praying that today, you’d be this family’s worthwhile.

A quick check in the cracked mirror
To make sure your hair straight
With your pretty red dress on
You head down the stairs to greet.

An old man and his old wife
Sit quietly on the couch
And with a gentle smile
You silently approach

A word or two is shared
Between you and this dear couple
And then you’re escorted
So they can chat a while

Worry crowds your head
And you begin to fear the worst
When in walks the old lady
And your stomach starts to lurch

She reaches down to touch
Your sun stroked golden hair
Then puts her arms around you
And whispers “Please come home my dear.”

With joy you start to cry
And say a simple prayer
Thanking God your sending
Little girls like you his favor.




“If It’s Over, Say It’s Over”

Months pass, and I’m began to get the sense
That she’s long since gotten over me.
But how could that be?

It seems like only yesterday
When conversation came naturally
And we’d sit and talk about spiritual things
But she’s long since spent anytime at all
Trying to hold court with me about just anything.

And I’d give up hope
But I prayed to God
That if she’s still around
Then she’d just drop a line.
(isn’t it funny when you ask God for something, he answers?)

Then she gives me a call, just to say hi
And I throw up my hands and think
“God why?”

But secretly I smile and wait for the day
When my precious friend
Comes home to stay.




“Father, Savior, King”

Lifestyle fragmentation on the floor
And I couldn’t have ever asked for more
Then a loving Father, Savior, King
Whatever you are, you’re just right for me

You walked into the room and put the pieces together
Of my poor broken heart, I couldn’t do better
Then a loving Father, Savior, King
Whoever you are, thanks for saving me.

New Work

I did a little writing today.


"The God and the Devil are Raging Inside Me"

here was a lock on the door but you kicked it in
And I said "HELL NO! I won't let you win!"

But the devil himself came thru the front door
And started to wreak havoc all over my heart.

And I cried and tried to defeat him myself
But oh did Satan defeat me with my own doubt.

So I prayed to the Lord to take back control
And get rid of the best who had his hold

And the Lord to me, oh precious one
This may take some time before it's done.

"Oh my God, that's fine with me
As long as the end product is victory."

And the war began between God and the Devil
Over my heart, which I couildn't defend.

But the promise remains,
Jesus Wins!


"The One Who Almost Went Astray"

Hope had never seemed so far away
Then it had when he ran, on that cold winter's day

From a town full of problems, he'd know leave behind
And he'd end up somewhere, where they couldn't find

No tlong after leaving, he was tapped on his shoulder
By his guardian angel, just hovering over

"Where is it you plan on ending up?"

"I'm not sure yet but it'll be better than this
But I most push on or my train I will miss."

"Your problems will follow
Wherever you go.
And your mother is sick
Young man, please head home."

"But this damn town will get me, if I stick around."

"If you'd change your perspective, you'd see another side of this old town.

You're young and confused and running away
From the people who love you and want you to stay."

"But I've spent my whole, the unwanted bastard son."

"Tell that to your mother, who even of her death bed,
Prays desperately for her loved ones.

Now hurry home quick and start sharing your love,
With the poor folks in town, those who have none."

So he turned and began, the slow walk into town
While up in the heavens, God smiled down

On a son once lost, who had now become found
And the love he would show, the once run down town.

The Fire Snowfall Brings HOPE! ...and worry

The first snowfall fall brings HOPE!, and worry...

He sits by window in favorite chair
And through splintered glass, just just stares

At autmun leaves come tumbling down
From big oak trees, high, HIGH above the ground.

And dreams of the day when the first snowflake falls
And the joy it will bring... well maybe.

With the first snow of winter comes home his dear love
From her ocean side house, which she went long ago.

And so much has changed, since that spring afternoon
When she kissed him goodbye and said "I'll be back someday soon."

With jacket in hand he heads for the door
And lights up a smoke, to wonder some more

His hearts to shatters, then skips
But he's just not sure yet

Will she like his new beard, that he grew in the spring
And his mind keeps on wandering, to if she still wears his ring.

With nothing left to put his mind at ease
He heads into town for a bite to eat.

But he hopes with his heart that snow will come soon
And he can be with his love, from midnight to noon.

Coffee and Cigarettes

In a dark room, in a back booth, sit a lonely man.

And coffee and cigarettes rest in his hands.

With each shaky sip, with each deepening draft

He contemplates the years gone pass.

From bitter divorce and ugly death

To long lost loves, on the oceans depth

Lost in the moment, a waitress walks by

"Sir, may I refill glass?" and he begins to cry.

In confusion she steps to leave

But the man reached out and grabbed her sleeve.

"I'm sorry miss but I must confess

You look just like my daughter in the light blue dress."

With fresh coffee in hand, he lights another smoke

And heads for door, putting back on his coat.

Outside the door, a stranger approaches,

"Sir would mind lending a smoke?"

For a moment they sit, smoking in silence...


Before the stranger turns to leaves
He asks the man, "Would you like to find peace?"

In relief he cries, "Oh Jesus"
"I thought that was you but I wasn't sure'

"If you follow me, I can take all that pain
And you'll never feel unloved again."

As the sailor and Jesus walk down that dark alley

With cold cups of coffee and cigarette ashes trailing

They enter ia friendship, no one can destroy

The mans heart now filled, with nothing but Joy!

The Collected Works of...

I'm going to post a couple of poems tonight. The first is a poem I wrote called "BANG!" The other two are poems written by my friend Lindsay with some addition by me. Enjoy.


"BANG!"

"The whisper of her bombshell broke my heart

BANG!

The gunshot rang out like a flashlight in the dark.

I tried to grasp the meaning in her words and failed.

I saw her jacket on the bed
As I feel to the ground, motionless and dead.

The devil in a white dress.

She stared down at me, bent down and kissed me.
Whispered on our wedding night, I don't love dear.

It would've broken my heart, I might've shed a tear.

But things like this don't matter.
My new bride was my killer.

I tried to grasp her words and failed...

Because I was already dead."



"Your Song"

"Singing with the wind,
(I SCREAM)

Dancing in the rain
(Letting it soak deeply)

Don't look back, your on your way.
(and I am left behind)

You can't see,
(Blinded by your fears)

You can't hear.
(drowning in your tears)

But you have all you need.
(Does this include me?)

All you'll ever need.
(Not including me)

You may not know where you're going,
(On this journey you have started)

But don't look back,
(That's dangerous)

You're on your way.
(to find that place called home)

What's tomorrow without today?
(more empty, broken promises)

What's a beginning without an end?
(too many tears you don't need to cry)

What's love without some pain?
(another empty ritual)

What's joy without Your song?
(Sing to me again) "



"The Voice in the Corner"

"A voice!

She heard her playing in her mind.

Who is this girl I hear?
Where's the voice(passion) I once knew.

A cold breeze freezes the room.
She waits, ever so silently,
She waits for something new.

COME and save me! HEAR me out!

Where is the beauty i once knew(I once was)?
Where is the smile that once broke the silence?

Who is she? What does she want? Could she be...

Come and save me. "

Making Right the Mistakes of My Youth

If tonight is the night that I breathe my last breath
Then I'm taking this moment to make request.

Will you go out to the street and find this young girl
Then bring her to my side before to heaven I go.

With my last bit of strength, I'll take her hand
And look deep in her eyes and say like a man

I'm sorry I left you, that cold November day
When you wait by docks, til the first week in May

See, I wasn't sure I ready to make you my wife
A decision I regretted the rest of my life.

But before I passed, I had to make it right
And make sure that you knew, you were the love of life.

So take care young girl and please don't hold a grudge
Against your untamed sailor, who wasn't sure of love.

At Night, The Sky Shows Death

I sit alone under a half moon sky
And with unlit cigarettes I scream GOD WHY?

But when no reply comes I just sit and cry.

I don’t want to question the way that you move
But if you’re not real, I won’t live without you.

Chase the Lion

Mark Batterson posted this on his blog and I love it so I'm posting it.

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Hearts

I should be seeping right now but I was hit with a verse and wanted to write it real quick.

"Winter hearts will break whence freezed
And summer hearts burn easily.
In Spring and fall we mend and sew
our shattered hearts for new loves to hold.
But our twine is fragile and again we'll break
our little hearts we give away.
We sit and wait, and watch and hope
for someone to come and fill this hole.
To love us in the heat and snow
Through our highs and in our lows.
We sit by window sills and stare
At our one true love, just standing there.
They knock at our door and call name
But we're tired of playing this silly game.
The sun goes down and they walk away,
but tomorrow is another day."

World Waits

I really need to start taking the advice I give to others for myself. It's so easy for me to offer advice and give encouragment without taking that advice for myself. Lately I've really felt like I need some encouragment in my life.

Anyway, the advice I gave/give that I should take for myself is to not let screw ups to mess up your life and throw you of course. I think as a christian it's easy for me to beat myself up for messing up and missing the mark but God wants us to get up and continue. We're only human and we're not perfect and we're going to miss the mark from time to time. The idea is to not give up but to keep going.


Here's a video for Jeremy Enigk's song "World Waits". It's an incredible song (and incredible album) that I've been listening to a lot lately.

Just ask

A quick in the moment inspiration post. I was reading in Exodus and what Moses says to God sticks out to me.

"Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.
"The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?"

And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."

Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."

And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."

Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

Exodus 33:12-23

I think sometimes we're so afraid to ask God for something because we're afraid he'll say no or we'll not get an answer but Moses wasn't afraid. He knew what he wanted and what he wanted God to do for him and the people of Israel and he just asked God.

Don't be afraid to ask. Be bold and ask!

Inspiration

Moving Forward
by Rainer Maria Rilke

"The deep parts of my life pour onward,
as if the river shores were opening out.
It seems that things are more like me now,
That I can see farther into paintings.
I feel closer to what language can't reach.
With my senses, as with birds, I climb
into the windy heaven, out of the oak,
in the ponds broken off from the sky
my falling sinks, as if standing on fishes."







THE DAWN OF WEIRD
by Derrick C Brown

‘Twas the dawn of Weird
and I had woken up early.

There was no difference between
sky and sea,
so dogs chased tennis balls into the shore break
of cumulus clouds.

Sea lions flew point
in the formations of sparrows.

Fishermen caught birds,
apologized
and set them free.
The birds were understanding and as a gift
brought back worm sandwiches
which were surprisingly tasty.

Airplanes landed safely underwater
as mermaids guided us in with pop-electric jellyfish.

Guns had turned to black licorice.
All the cops were nibbling on shotguns
and one by one all the criminals cried
and turned themselves in
to the dentist.

Hospitals morphed and became
rubber bounce castles.
They had to call security
to usher out the scalpels
and to keep the elderly
from hogging the twisty slide.

Billboards became drive-in movie screens
replaying what our feet looked like
when we were chasing our dreams.

Everyone walked home.

And all the tombstones
in all the graveyards
crumbled into seeds.

Flora bloomed immediately.

Bees halted on the outskirts
of the cemetery walls,
reverence for the ending,
the passing of all.

With antennae bowed
and honey tears starting,
they pledged to stand guard
of the bright human garden.

The largest pile of flowers…
It rose from your name.
The wind swelled a whisper
That said

‘They’re O.K., they’re all O.K.’

My Lord, it was a solid mountain of sunflowers.

The world blazed in color and I welcomed the change.
It was the dawn of weird and the morning of strange.

Amazing how all this
did come to pass,
just a child cutting loose
in a poetry class.

Be a Light

8/4 Journal Entry

Be A Light:

Jesus called us a light. A couple things jump to my mind. First is this picture of light as a guide. When it’s dark people gravitate towards the light. When the power goes out people looking something, anything to illuminate the darkness.

The other picture I get is that of a lighthouse. Used as a warning to ships. Lights used to warn of danger ahead. I think the metaphor Jesus used is often taken to only mean a guide. It’s often used as a reference to the world around us. That we Christians, as the light of Christ, are meant to be light in the darkness, to illuminate our world. But what if some of us are called to be lighthouses? What if our purpose, as the light of Christ, is to help steer others away from poor choices, from impending doom, from the rocky cliff up ahead? If God cares for people and people will know us by our love what better way to show the love of God then by helping keep others safe. Helping a friend make the right choice. Yes people can be the light in the darkness to attract others to them but I thank God for the people who have been lighthouses in my life. Those who have helped keep me from making poor decisions.

Throw in the Towel

A reflection of this weekends sermon.

Loving others is serving others.

"So take a new grip with your tired hands and strengthen your weak knees."
(Hebrews 12:12)

Be Prepared

Today's journal entry.

Be Prepared:

God has a plan for my life. I’m pretty sure I know bits and pieces of it. The hardest part for me is to take initiative. The biggest reason for this is I’m not sure what those steps may be. I think we overlook the practical things because we believe God is in control and will take care of us and provide. Although this is true, we still need to be active in our part of the will of God. I will never make an album if I don’t write songs and record them. I will never meet my future wife if I don’t ask out anyone. God can’t show me my new place to live if I don’t go looking for it. We tend to think that if it’s God’s will then everything will be taken care of. So we sit on our ass and wait until God drops his will into our laps. Bad news fellows, this isn’t how it works. It’s easy to fall prey because we want God to be in control and we don’t want to mess up his will for us. The problem is by not doing anything we completely miss his will altogether.

People throughout the bible messed up all the time. Jonah didn’t want to go where God told him to go. He got eaten by whale, spit out, and eventually went where God told him to go. Paul, who wrote most of the new testament, was killing Christians before he got saved. Peter denied Jesus 3 times and he was the one who spoke on the day of Pentecost. It’s better to try and fail then to sit around waiting for something to happen. Nothing will happen if we don’t move. God gives us second chances. Eventually we will get it right. We just need to be active and try.

Becoming Christlike

My journal entry for today.

Be Christlike:

Jesus gave us two great commandments, Love the Lord Your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and Love your neighbor as yourself. The shortest verse in the bible is “Jesus wept”. This means absolutely nothing to anyone out of context. It’s just a dumb fact that we as Christians know because it was taught in Sunday school. Most of us don’t know what this verse means. The context is Lazarus has just died. Jesus is grieved by the death of his friend and his weeping shows the people around him that Jesus loved and cared for Lazarus. Jesus’ ministry is about love. More then the miracles, healings, teachings, and feedings it’s about love and compassion. Everything Jesus did was motivated by a compassion and empathy for the people who needed him. My attempts to become for like Christ will be in vain until I learn to show the same love and compassion the he did.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Romans 5:8

Broken Mirrors, Missed Ships

My God
Why can't I accept what I am?
Why must I hate your creation?

So I sit and stare at the mirror in your word
Hoping for a revelation to break this retched curse

But as time goes by it gets harder and harder for me to break through
All the make-up, clothes, and mirrors that I've become attached to.

So I sit and wait and I contemplate
As the beauty of my life drifts further into waste.

And when revaltion finally comes
When I learn to really, truly love
Will the things for me have passed me by
Or will a second change be right behind?

When They Really Get to Know You They Will Run

Here's a little video with former Pedro the Lion frontman David Bazan about christianity and the church and how it relates to him and his music.




"I could buy you a drink
I could tell you all about it
I could tell you why i doubt it
and why I still believe"

The Fleecing by Pedro the Lion

[Ignorant before the heavens of my life]

[Ignorant before the heavens of my life]

Ignorant before the heavens of my life,
I stand and gaze in wonder. Oh the vastness
of the stars. Their rising and descent. How still.
As if I didn't exist. Do I have any
share in this? Have I somehow dispensed with
their pure effect? Does my blood's ebb and flow
change with their changes? Let me put aside
every desire, every relationship
except this one, so that my heart grows used to
its farthest spaces. Better that it live
fully aware, in the terror of its stars, than
as if protected, soothed by what is near.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Attraction Is More Than Looks (Rough)

With beauty ever fleeting
She runs into your arms
And finds love in a savior
That man she could find not

Embraced in transformation
You turned her life a new
An answer to the prayers
That you gave me long ago

A relationship was formed
Based on loving you
And the attraction grew into me
That was more then just her beauty

With tear streaked cheeks I pray
Not to let her go
But to bring the people to her
That will only help her grow

I thank you God for this
New found friend I have
The joy that she brings to me
The blessing she's become

When the Transformed Rebuild and Bring Justice

I''ve spent the past couple of weeks listening to Rick McKinley's series on Transformation. This was a series taken from Isaiah 61 and the transformation that God wants to bring in our lives. The later part of the verse talks about God's transformaed people rebuilding the ciy and how God loves justice. And as I was driving home from the grocery store this evening this concept finally clicked.

The simple fact that God wants people to go into the broken places of the world, of our communities, and bring the transformation he's done in us to these places. But we as a church don't go. We "don't belong" in the ghettos, in the broken places. And as this thought hit me as to why rebuilding and justice isn't taking place in our world it really made me mad.

Late summer/early fall I'm moving. My desire to be closer to the city (DC) and my limited funds have forced me to look inot areas where people I know ask me if I'm crazy. "Aren't you worried something bad will happen?" It makes me wonder what we're trusting God for. We'll send missionairies to third world countries and places of danger but we have a fear of going to the broken places in the world for fear that something bad might happen to us. It's hard to make a difference when we all live in nice houses in the country next to our neighbors from our church.

My desire is to be in the middle of what God is doing and I believe God is waiting to do something exciting and he wants to bring transformation and a rebuilding and justice to the broken places of this world. He just have to avail ourselves to go where he leads.


I'm working on a poem called (at the moment) "Her Deep Beauty"". It's about a friend of mine and what makes her such a joy to be around. That should be posted early this week.

Not Dead

I've been meaning to post something new for a while but I seem to always find something else to do. In the next couple of weeks I'll be more productive. In two weeks I'll be posting some thoughts on art in connection with God and share a little more about Something Beautiful.

Part of the point of starting this blog was to share some of my writings and poems and I'm going to post a couple over the next couple of days.

So there will be content coming.

The Art of Unlearning

Just wanted to share a verse that I came across by accident last night. I was flipping through my bible and came to Job and stopped on this verse I had highlighted some time ago.

"In the past you have encouraged many a troubled soul to trust in God; you have supported those who were weak. Your words have strengthed the fallen; you steadied those who wavered. But now when trouble strikes, you faint and are broken. Does your reverence for God give you no confidence? Shouldn't you believe God will care for those who are upright?"
Job 4:3-6

It was an encouragement to me that God does bring people to take care of you in your times of trial and people who will help pick you up.

Down Toward Healing

I've been meaning to post here for a couple weeks now. I've had things to say but no structure to what I was saying. So here I am, not with really anything profound but just some thoughts of late.

I've started a project called Something Beautiful. It's an open forum expression of creativity. The reason the whole literal six day creation bugs me is because I feel it dismisses the idea of God the creator. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth (Gen 1:1). The idea of creation makes me believe he took time and alot of thought in the shaping, the molding, the inner workings of the world we live in. How things would adapt and evolve. So I'm working a website and some other things to showcase art work, film, photography, poems, music, whatever. Things that represent that creative spirit God has place in us.

The other things hitting home is how much God loves us and takes care of us. April was a month of great joy and excitement for me but it was also the hardest month of my life where I had to look toward God and cling to his promise to take of me. And everytime I came to God asking him for help he came through. It's really exciting to see God answer prayers and bring miracles into my life as I needed them. God brought the right people around me to pray for me or give me a word of encouragement when I need it.

I read a book a couple weekends ago called In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson (Pastor at National Community Church, where I attend). It seemed like everything Mark was writing was a reenforcement of what God wanted to do in my life and where he was taking me.

I'm looking forward to this summer and Something Beautiful starting up and a couple other cool things. I'm excited. Get Excited!

Easter Thoughts

"See, my servant will prosper; he will be highly exalted. But many were amazed when they saw him.His face was so disfigured he seemed hardly human, and from his appearance, one would scarcely know he was a man. And he will startle many nations. Kings will stand speechless in his presence. For they will see what they had not been told; they will understand what they had not heard about. Who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm? My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed. All of us, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all. He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. Unjustly condemned, he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream. But he was struck down for the rebellion of my people. He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man’s grave. But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands. When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear all their sins. I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier, because he exposed himself to death. He was counted among the rebels. He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels."

Isaiah 52:13- 53:12

"Amazing Grace"

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun.

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

In a Sweater Poorly Knit

So I should be going to bed but I wanted to post this real quick. This is a video I saw on youtube. It's Aaron Weiss from mewithoutYou talking about forgiveness. An interesting video and I love mewithoutYou and the things Aaron has to say. So enjoy...

What She Said

So tonight I'm going to give you some poetry. These few poems were written by my sister Karol. Enjoy.

Beautiful Nightmare

Beautiful Nightmare scared me to death
Tore out my insides and sucked out my breath
Beautiful nightmare laughed in my face
Shredded my heart up and crowded my space Beautiful nightmare
evil and stiff
Made me bleed and pushed me off of a cliff Beautiful nightmare
one that I hate
Your decietful lies was your one better trait

Karol Lynne Patton

Graceful Heart

Riding with the wind, free as a bird
Devotedly waiting just to be heard
A call in the rain saying have thine own way
Yet to be amused as you sit and wait
As it is for your Heart to be contained
your head says that you are to be blamed
Ye naturally grows so beautiful, so graceful
as Ye once were so little in Ye cradle

Karol Lynne Patton

Untitled

I try so hard to find the words to say
How great is this God to Whom i pray
He is My desire, My home, My lite
He sent his son to die and save my life
He helps me through those troubled times
He is sweet, Honest, and also kind
He loves me every single Day
He gives me a lite so i can see the way.

Karol Lynne Patton

Disconnected

I keep holding my breath well I am trying to breathe
Drowning but swimming
I am quietely loud while being noisily silent
can't seem to hide from life when I am trying to find it
I am disconnected
broken off
lost
I am backtracking forward
Losing my grip
Starting to trip
Flying
Crying
Lying
Hiding
Finding
I am me, I am disconnected

Karol Lynne Patton

All poems Copyright ©2007 Karol Lynne Patton

...Trying to Stop an Echo

So this is going to be something more of a collection of thoughts instead of one post. I've had a whole mess of things on my mind and haven't found a way to make sense of them so I'm going to throw them all out at once and hope something is taken from it.

First off is my disgust with the media. And by media I mean the news. I think it's a sad statement about America that our top 2 news stories for a week have been the body of Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears gone crazy. I've tried to come up with a good reason to personally care about either story but I can't find one. Celebrity in America makes me sick. Our complete fascination with the messed up lives of others. It's the concept of reality TV. So we can watch other people who are slightly more messed up then we are. I don't turn on the news to hear about Britney and her shaved head. People of the world, get over it. No matter how famous someone else is they still have problems. It's not a new concept. Money doesn't buy happiness.

Ok, now that I've gotten that off my chest...

I've started working on a video/photography project of beauty and chaos in the world. Just stills and video of everyday life. I've started taking notice of beauty that's around us everyday. I'm astonished that more people, with a belief in God as the creator, don't take time to really live in the beauty of his creation. They don't take time to thank him for what he's given them. We take our surroundings for granted and that's because as long as we've lived they always been there.

As I was flipping through a book of some poems by Robert Frost I came across this poem called God's Garden.

"God's Garden"
By Robert Frost

God made a beauteous garden
With lovely flowers strown,
But one straight, narrow pathway
That was not overgrown.
And to this beauteous garden
He brought mankind to live,
And said: "To you, my children,
These lovely flowers I give.
Prune ye my vines and fig trees,
With care my flowerets tend,
But keep the pathway open
Your home is at the end."
Then came another master,
Who did not love mankind,
And planted on the pathway
Gold flowers for them to find.
And mankind saw the bright flowers,
That, glitt'ring in the sun,
Quite hid the thorns of av'rice
That poison blood and bone;
And far off many wandered,
And when life's night came on,
They still were seeking gold flowers,
Lost, helpless and alone.

O, cease to heed the glamour
That blinds your foolish eyes,
Look upward to the glitter
Of stars in God's clear skies.
Their ways are pure and harmless
And will not lead astray,
Bid aid your erring footsteps
To keep the narrow way.
And when the sun shines brightly
Tend flowers that God has given
And keep the pathway open
That leads you on to heaven.


So I didn't have as much to say as I thought. If it's warm wherever you are, take some time to enjoy nature. One day it might no be there.

Grace Thinks I'm a Failure

I've reconnected with Brandtson. I put on The Emo Diaries Vol 2 and listened to Holly Park and that was enough for me to brush the dust of the cd's and give them a listen. I haven't heard the last 3 records they've put out but I really really like the first 3 (and Holly Park is a fantasic song). It seems that I tried so hard to esacpe being called emo that I quit listening to a lot of good records. But of course what was emo when I was in high school and what's emo now aren't really the same.

I've gotten a couple of e-mails (including some hate mail) that let me know I'm going in the right direction with my life and this blog, which is good. I'm trying not to be a BFOD. I'm trying not to stand up on my soapbox and preach my opinion. My goal is to share basically what God is showing me everyday. I try to be honest and not hold anything back and yes it's offensive to some but that's alright. My job is not to please people. Entertain... maybe but not please.

All this to say thanks to those who read and thanks to those who leave comments (good or bad).

2 John 1: 6
"Love means doing what God has commanded us, and he has commanded us to love another, just as you heard from the beginning."

A Kind Word

So I'm sitting here watching In America. A cool independent film about an Irish immigrant family in America (duh!).

I want to share a little story. I was thinking yesterday about when Jesus was talking about the greatest commandment. The second part of that being love your neighbor as yourself. And it brings me to my story.

I have a friend who's been on my heart for close to 3 years now. We don't talk often and we see each other less but for whatever reason every night when I pray her face pops in my head and I'm compelled to pray for her. I've read verses and felt like they were the words she needed to hear at that moment and I've felt the need just to be kind to her and tell her what she means to me. And I've always thought it strange.

But then I realized it's not so strange afterall. I recently thought about what it is that made me apperciate and keep this person in prayer. And I figured it out. Back years ago before my senior year in high school I took a trip to New York and this friend was on the trip. This friend wrote me a note telling me I was special. And it hit me today. That might be the only time in recent memory that someone has told me I was special. I know it's something preached in church and Sunday School when I was little but it's the first and possibly the only time since I entered high school that I remember anyone telling me I was special.

And so I think about times when friends call me up with problems or anything. Those moments when we're supposed to love our neighbor as ourselves. How many times do I just say well I'll pray for you or do I try and come up with a verse that will help them out. And as I thought about this I began to realize that it's not how I would want to be loved. Prayer and scripture are nice don't get me wrong but it's not the love I would want in those moments. Those are the moments when people need an encouraging word, a hug, just to be held.

And so as I thought about this friend who told me I was special and all the times I've prayed for her and given her a word of encouragement, I understand what Jesus meant when we said love your neighbor as yourself. I understand that I apperciate so much what she did for me, still to this day 6 years later, that I'm pouring out the same love.

So next time you have a friend in need of love give me them a hug. Tell them they're special and you love them. Make a difference by pouring love into people.

Matthew 22: 37-40

At Odds

So rarely do I feel so inspired as I do this morning. So inspired that it came while I was eating my cereal. So inspired that I'm actually going to preach. I don't do this often but I have something to say. And it's only a statement of fact and a question of sorts with no answer. Because this thing thats eating at me this morning is something I struggle with. It's a problem we all have. And here it is.

We are at odds with God!

Believe it or not but it's a fact. By our own human nature and ability to make our own choices are at odds with God. And it sucks. It's ashame because we God over there saying I love you, I love you, I love, and here we are in our little corner of the universe called earth saying I know you love me God and I love you too. But we go out and sin. We have this ability to hurt God and it's started with Adam and Eve. Ever since we as human beings have had the ability to hurt God.

God says, I love you but it hurts whenever you do that. We tell God we know and we won't do it again and we repent but come tomorrow we'll be doing to same thing over again or something different and it breaks God's heart.

It's the reason why wehave baptist and methodist and pentacostals, because at some point we said ya know what, that part of "your" theology doesn't work for me. Christians have the basics right. That God sent his only son to die for us because he loved us and if we would believe that he died and rose again three days later and will confess our sins we have salvation. But once you start breaking down theology we start to disagree. We get defensive. Because there are things God wants of us that by our own human nature with are at odds with.

The entire basis of the christian faith is hard to deal with from a human stand point. We have to believe in a God we've never seen and then believe that his son, who was both God and man, came to earth thousthands of years ago and died on a cross and rose from the dead 3 days later. And if we believe this and telling him we're sinners we are saved and can go to heaven.

It's a hard story to grasp. The logistics of it don't add up. It's hard to believe, I'lll admit it.

But it's more than that. And I feel the more then that has been left out. We're so focused on the salvation and egtting into heaven part we forget about the love part. That the reason he did it was because God is in Love with us. He knew that as humans we could never live up to standards and could never get to heaven to spend enternity with him by ourselves. David, who was a man after God's own heart, went out and commited adultery.

The same problems keep popping out throughout the bible. Human beings and God have different agendas. God wants us to love each other and live as one in a community with others ad help those around us. We wants a new car and a promotion at work and a big house and to be a star in hollywood. Jesus said the last shall be first and the first last, yet we spend much our or time on earth as adults trying to get to the top. That's the opposite of what God wants.

But that's why Jesus came. Because God Loves us. He made us and couldn't stand the thought of not spending anternity without us. We loves us.

God, we thank you this mronign for the love you have for us. That no matter in what way we screw up you're still stand there with open arms. I'm sorry that I can't be the person you want me to be. I'm sorry that we're at odds. But I thank you that you knew this would happen and sent your son. You are amazing.