Oh, if today God should call you away
What would you give in exchange for your soul
I was listening to LN's "Dirt Floor Hotel Part 1" in the car today. A beautiful piece of music. This song came on and I really started to dwell on this thought.
Lately I've been really concerned with doing God's will. Making sure I'm where he wants me and that I'm doing what I've been called to do. My biggest fear is getting to heaven and finding out I've totally messed up God's plan for me. When I think about the possibility of moving and taking another job, it really worries me that it will be the wrong one. That I'll miss the voice of God on this one. I know I've been given a rough vision from God and I can see where part of it will be fulfilled without me there but there's always that part of me that wants to be there for MY vision. But that's not always God's plan.
Paul is always talking in his letters about going to visit the churches he helped start. Most of the time he never gets there. He wanted to get to Rome but had to be shipwrecked first. What a discouragement. But Paul never got discouraged.
Jason Martin wrote a brilliant song called "Give Up the War."
"I read what they write, God's men of before. It's simply that I am still afriad to give up the war. I've played all the chords, and I guess I got bored. I wanna do it right, be someone like Paul.It's simply that he was not afraid, he never gave up the war. And to live when you're down, and live when you're always leaving. I wanna be things. Always living, pressing on. "
Peter is my favorite of the disciples. He was never afraid to stand up and do bold things. But he never got it. 3 times he said he didn't know who Jesus was. And this guy was the founder of the Christian church.
Our life on earth is so short and I'm glad that I'm consummed with trying to be in God's will. If I wasn't then what would be the point. When I get to heaven one day I want to be told that God is proud of me and the things I did for him. No matter how big or small.
"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."
1 Corinthians 15:58
Friday, July 21, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
I've been too drained to post anything worth anyone's time. I don't want this blog to be me typing meaningless crap. That's the last thing we need.
I've found myself being tired. Tired in my body, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel drained completely and I'm finding it really hard to draw my strength from God. I know it's there just waiting for me. Paul summed it up nicely in Romans 7: 15-25.
"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do evil things. I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good I don't. And when I'm trying not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I'm doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."
I feel like I pray these verses every night. It's insane how the day to day things can push God out. I've tried to set up guide lines and time frames and nothing has worked out. I get so wrapped up I put God on the back shelf. That's no way to treat anyone who loves you. And I'm so damn tired of doing this. I want to have an amazing relationship with God, where I'm in his will and doing great things for him but I screw up everyday.
Now that I'm really looking at moving and finding a new job, I really want to have my heart open to hear from God, where he wants me to go. My spiritual life has been nothing but a freaking rollercoaster. A month or so ago I had an awesome vision and direction from God and now I feel tired and lost. I know the answer lies in trusting God, leaning on his understanding and wisdom and gudiance. Prayer is always welcome.
"But (as you will see): joy comes of him"
"The Birth of Christ"
by Rainer Maria Rilke
I've found myself being tired. Tired in my body, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel drained completely and I'm finding it really hard to draw my strength from God. I know it's there just waiting for me. Paul summed it up nicely in Romans 7: 15-25.
"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do evil things. I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good I don't. And when I'm trying not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I'm doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."
I feel like I pray these verses every night. It's insane how the day to day things can push God out. I've tried to set up guide lines and time frames and nothing has worked out. I get so wrapped up I put God on the back shelf. That's no way to treat anyone who loves you. And I'm so damn tired of doing this. I want to have an amazing relationship with God, where I'm in his will and doing great things for him but I screw up everyday.
Now that I'm really looking at moving and finding a new job, I really want to have my heart open to hear from God, where he wants me to go. My spiritual life has been nothing but a freaking rollercoaster. A month or so ago I had an awesome vision and direction from God and now I feel tired and lost. I know the answer lies in trusting God, leaning on his understanding and wisdom and gudiance. Prayer is always welcome.
"But (as you will see): joy comes of him"
"The Birth of Christ"
by Rainer Maria Rilke
Friday, June 23, 2006
When no one is listening
Take me by the hand;
it's so easy for you, Angel,
for you are the road
even while being immobile.
You see, I'm scared no one
here will look for me again;
I couldn't make use of
whatever was given,
so they abandoned me.
At first the solitude
charmed me like a prelude,
but so much music wounded me.
"Music" by Rainer Maria Rilke
I've been a fan of Rilke's poetry since my senior year of high school. I've always felt something inspirational in the way he wrote and the words he used. Being older now I connect more with it then before.
Music is a poem I've felt a connection with lately. I've always tried to share my vision and talents in the church. Trying to do something for God and making in impact. Mostly what I've gotten is a cold shoulder. Here is a key moment that stands out.
The first was being told the church couldn't support my music, my ministry. This hurt at the time but it was also the deciding factor in not needing the church to be effective. I had always wanted to have the church be venue for bands and a place for people to come and hang out and here good music. We had the facility. We had the sound system. Whatever small support I could gain wasn't enough to persuade those in charge. I tried to book a show for myself at the church I was attending. I was told that I had great songs but the church just didn't support what I was doing.
I've come to the conclusion since then that my effectiveness for God can't reach it's full potential in the church where, dare I say, most the people already are christians. This becomes a whole different soapbox but I will share that one later. God has a heart for people. He loves people. He sent his son to die for people. For me. For you. God loves me. God loves you. I feel this point isn't brought up enough in churches. So my heart needed to change from being effective for God to being effective for others.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbol. If I had the gift of ptophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever."
Paul makes it pretty clear that if we don't love others we are useless. It's taken me a while to get this concept and I'm still not very good at it(ie, when I'm driving) but it's something I'm working on. There is a need for people to serve in church and be a part of that side of things but it will only reach so many people. Those that are most in need of God aren't at church. They aren't at youth group. They're at the bars, they're at baseball games, they're you're neighbors, they're at the mall. And they need something meaningful. They don't need a hell fire and damnation sermon. Most of them just want to know they're loved.
I believe this starts with showing the love of God. I read the gospels and I see Jesus hanging out with people. I see Jesus healing people. I see Jesus doing what's right. I see him not condeming others for their choices. I see Jesus show us how to love. How to treat others. I see an example. Something I want to be. I believe that is the true meaning of being christlike. There is no perfect person in all of history except for Jesus. I will never be perfect. Try and try as I might I will always fail.
The beauty is God doesn't see that. Because God loved me and sent his son Jesus to die for my sins. The same Jesus who conquered death and rose from the grave on the third day. The same Jesus and God who I put my faith in. Because of that God sees me as holy and righteous. So all I can do is try my best to be what God wants me to be. To love everyone. To be cool to everyone.
My new vision is to love others. Above all else it is to show others the love of God. To build relationships with those around me and show them love.
John 3:16
"For God so love me, that he sent his only son so that if I believe in him I will not perish but I will have eternal life. "
it's so easy for you, Angel,
for you are the road
even while being immobile.
You see, I'm scared no one
here will look for me again;
I couldn't make use of
whatever was given,
so they abandoned me.
At first the solitude
charmed me like a prelude,
but so much music wounded me.
"Music" by Rainer Maria Rilke
I've been a fan of Rilke's poetry since my senior year of high school. I've always felt something inspirational in the way he wrote and the words he used. Being older now I connect more with it then before.
Music is a poem I've felt a connection with lately. I've always tried to share my vision and talents in the church. Trying to do something for God and making in impact. Mostly what I've gotten is a cold shoulder. Here is a key moment that stands out.
The first was being told the church couldn't support my music, my ministry. This hurt at the time but it was also the deciding factor in not needing the church to be effective. I had always wanted to have the church be venue for bands and a place for people to come and hang out and here good music. We had the facility. We had the sound system. Whatever small support I could gain wasn't enough to persuade those in charge. I tried to book a show for myself at the church I was attending. I was told that I had great songs but the church just didn't support what I was doing.
I've come to the conclusion since then that my effectiveness for God can't reach it's full potential in the church where, dare I say, most the people already are christians. This becomes a whole different soapbox but I will share that one later. God has a heart for people. He loves people. He sent his son to die for people. For me. For you. God loves me. God loves you. I feel this point isn't brought up enough in churches. So my heart needed to change from being effective for God to being effective for others.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbol. If I had the gift of ptophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever."
Paul makes it pretty clear that if we don't love others we are useless. It's taken me a while to get this concept and I'm still not very good at it(ie, when I'm driving) but it's something I'm working on. There is a need for people to serve in church and be a part of that side of things but it will only reach so many people. Those that are most in need of God aren't at church. They aren't at youth group. They're at the bars, they're at baseball games, they're you're neighbors, they're at the mall. And they need something meaningful. They don't need a hell fire and damnation sermon. Most of them just want to know they're loved.
I believe this starts with showing the love of God. I read the gospels and I see Jesus hanging out with people. I see Jesus healing people. I see Jesus doing what's right. I see him not condeming others for their choices. I see Jesus show us how to love. How to treat others. I see an example. Something I want to be. I believe that is the true meaning of being christlike. There is no perfect person in all of history except for Jesus. I will never be perfect. Try and try as I might I will always fail.
The beauty is God doesn't see that. Because God loved me and sent his son Jesus to die for my sins. The same Jesus who conquered death and rose from the grave on the third day. The same Jesus and God who I put my faith in. Because of that God sees me as holy and righteous. So all I can do is try my best to be what God wants me to be. To love everyone. To be cool to everyone.
My new vision is to love others. Above all else it is to show others the love of God. To build relationships with those around me and show them love.
John 3:16
"For God so love me, that he sent his only son so that if I believe in him I will not perish but I will have eternal life. "
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