je leverai les yeux a toi.

Something my friend Lindsay posted earlier today.

"Why do we live for anything but Him? Why do we chase things that are meaningless? Why do we run for things that'll kill us in the end? Why do we keep our focus on death?

Why can't we live for what we should? Why can't we run after Him with everything we have?

Oh but we can!

Why do we choose to look the other way? Why do we choose to be ignorant? Why do we choose to hold on? Why do we choose to care? Why do we choose to follow the world... even if we say we're not? Why do we fall, and stay there, instead of getting back up? Why can't we be bigger then ourselved? We never live for anything but ourselves, and i don't understand it. We're all human, we aren't perfect, but... we can strive for that.

We can put ourselves behind us, and run for the cross.

Weekend works

There's a Heartache Over the Rainbow

With every passing step she took
I knew she'd never give a look
Back the way from which she came
Her life she thought best to begin again

"The ship set sail that faithful day
And holding on, her mighty claim
That would speak of fairy tales
About her life, amist the gales

She never thought herself ordinary
A prince or king she thought she'd marry
So she left behind a common life
Only to become a sailors wife

And her one true love she left behind
Would not last long, with her gone he died
But a single tear he never shed
On wings of angels is how fled

Over the rainbow, to heaven above
To only one he really loved."



Untitled

"There's this joy in my heart that I wish I could hide
Because after joy shortly follows is pain
And try as I might to relish the moment
The tide comes in and my shattered heart washes into the sea.

And I pour myself out, to a God I can't see
Asking to fix my brokenness, and put my frantic mind at ease

Colaspsed on the shore, I feel joy returning
And I hold on too tightly
For the tide starts it's churning

A whisper is shared, with the sea coming in
My heart now restored, as my joys swept away. "

A song about a girl. Who found God... and then vanished

How could I consider letting go
Of the light, that I seen, inside her grow
To a woman, whose love you chose to show
And the grace that touched her heart.

To me you lead her wanting
For a truth, to her seemed new
And my heart leapt of prayers answered
Of the girl I always knew

But alas our time was fleeting
And she's sailed a different course
But can I just turn and leave her
My heartbeats with more remorse

...And... I'd already fallen in love...

"Forgive Me" were the only words they read...

"Reconciliation!
I hope to find through my confession
Accept this as a demonstration of love."

My Sin has a hold of Me

"What must it take for me to prove
Holy and righteous, unblemeshed to you?

But the stain on my heart runs deep within
A sick twist crimson, in the form of my sin.

Yet the only one who can take my blame
Is the very one I've put to shame.

So I hide myself from the very one
Who no matter how I try, I can't escape from.

I wish, so sincere, but a strong will I lack
And I run to whore, who's knife's in my back."

Bell of the Ball

When she enters the room
She makes every head turn
She's the Bell of the ball
She the fairest of all

But tonight is the night
With her target in sight
She'll not wait another moment
For Mr. Right to blow it

She's calling the shots
And taking her chances
While the other girls mock
And return to their dances

But she won't be dismayed
She's made up her mind
And the whole town will talk
But oh what a find

With courage in hand
And hope in her heart
She approaches the man
But has no place to start...

Confusion aside
She takes him aside
"I'm in love" she exclaims
With a smile real wide.

Back Doors Lead to Secrets

She walks into the room with presence of importance
And from my dark little corner I stare... just a moment to long

But she walks on by...

And I return to my beer, as she exits from the rear...

But for just one moment I sensed it in the air
That there was more that just happened here...

Not that I'll ever know

November Rain

She turns to me and smiles
With a look she only gives me
And I wrap my arounds her
Never wanting to let go
And her deep blue eyes search through me
So I look down to meet her gaze
And we stand embraced for hours
In the cool November rain.

I woke up inspired

Various writings throughout the day.

“Death on the Mind”

Thought after though rolled around in my head
But the one at the front was I wish she was dead.




“To Love an Orphan”

Oh little girl, in her room all alone
In the little orphanage, that you call a home.
Out the window you stare, with hope in your eyes
Praying that today, you’d be this family’s worthwhile.

A quick check in the cracked mirror
To make sure your hair straight
With your pretty red dress on
You head down the stairs to greet.

An old man and his old wife
Sit quietly on the couch
And with a gentle smile
You silently approach

A word or two is shared
Between you and this dear couple
And then you’re escorted
So they can chat a while

Worry crowds your head
And you begin to fear the worst
When in walks the old lady
And your stomach starts to lurch

She reaches down to touch
Your sun stroked golden hair
Then puts her arms around you
And whispers “Please come home my dear.”

With joy you start to cry
And say a simple prayer
Thanking God your sending
Little girls like you his favor.




“If It’s Over, Say It’s Over”

Months pass, and I’m began to get the sense
That she’s long since gotten over me.
But how could that be?

It seems like only yesterday
When conversation came naturally
And we’d sit and talk about spiritual things
But she’s long since spent anytime at all
Trying to hold court with me about just anything.

And I’d give up hope
But I prayed to God
That if she’s still around
Then she’d just drop a line.
(isn’t it funny when you ask God for something, he answers?)

Then she gives me a call, just to say hi
And I throw up my hands and think
“God why?”

But secretly I smile and wait for the day
When my precious friend
Comes home to stay.




“Father, Savior, King”

Lifestyle fragmentation on the floor
And I couldn’t have ever asked for more
Then a loving Father, Savior, King
Whatever you are, you’re just right for me

You walked into the room and put the pieces together
Of my poor broken heart, I couldn’t do better
Then a loving Father, Savior, King
Whoever you are, thanks for saving me.

New Work

I did a little writing today.


"The God and the Devil are Raging Inside Me"

here was a lock on the door but you kicked it in
And I said "HELL NO! I won't let you win!"

But the devil himself came thru the front door
And started to wreak havoc all over my heart.

And I cried and tried to defeat him myself
But oh did Satan defeat me with my own doubt.

So I prayed to the Lord to take back control
And get rid of the best who had his hold

And the Lord to me, oh precious one
This may take some time before it's done.

"Oh my God, that's fine with me
As long as the end product is victory."

And the war began between God and the Devil
Over my heart, which I couildn't defend.

But the promise remains,
Jesus Wins!


"The One Who Almost Went Astray"

Hope had never seemed so far away
Then it had when he ran, on that cold winter's day

From a town full of problems, he'd know leave behind
And he'd end up somewhere, where they couldn't find

No tlong after leaving, he was tapped on his shoulder
By his guardian angel, just hovering over

"Where is it you plan on ending up?"

"I'm not sure yet but it'll be better than this
But I most push on or my train I will miss."

"Your problems will follow
Wherever you go.
And your mother is sick
Young man, please head home."

"But this damn town will get me, if I stick around."

"If you'd change your perspective, you'd see another side of this old town.

You're young and confused and running away
From the people who love you and want you to stay."

"But I've spent my whole, the unwanted bastard son."

"Tell that to your mother, who even of her death bed,
Prays desperately for her loved ones.

Now hurry home quick and start sharing your love,
With the poor folks in town, those who have none."

So he turned and began, the slow walk into town
While up in the heavens, God smiled down

On a son once lost, who had now become found
And the love he would show, the once run down town.

The Fire Snowfall Brings HOPE! ...and worry

The first snowfall fall brings HOPE!, and worry...

He sits by window in favorite chair
And through splintered glass, just just stares

At autmun leaves come tumbling down
From big oak trees, high, HIGH above the ground.

And dreams of the day when the first snowflake falls
And the joy it will bring... well maybe.

With the first snow of winter comes home his dear love
From her ocean side house, which she went long ago.

And so much has changed, since that spring afternoon
When she kissed him goodbye and said "I'll be back someday soon."

With jacket in hand he heads for the door
And lights up a smoke, to wonder some more

His hearts to shatters, then skips
But he's just not sure yet

Will she like his new beard, that he grew in the spring
And his mind keeps on wandering, to if she still wears his ring.

With nothing left to put his mind at ease
He heads into town for a bite to eat.

But he hopes with his heart that snow will come soon
And he can be with his love, from midnight to noon.

Coffee and Cigarettes

In a dark room, in a back booth, sit a lonely man.

And coffee and cigarettes rest in his hands.

With each shaky sip, with each deepening draft

He contemplates the years gone pass.

From bitter divorce and ugly death

To long lost loves, on the oceans depth

Lost in the moment, a waitress walks by

"Sir, may I refill glass?" and he begins to cry.

In confusion she steps to leave

But the man reached out and grabbed her sleeve.

"I'm sorry miss but I must confess

You look just like my daughter in the light blue dress."

With fresh coffee in hand, he lights another smoke

And heads for door, putting back on his coat.

Outside the door, a stranger approaches,

"Sir would mind lending a smoke?"

For a moment they sit, smoking in silence...


Before the stranger turns to leaves
He asks the man, "Would you like to find peace?"

In relief he cries, "Oh Jesus"
"I thought that was you but I wasn't sure'

"If you follow me, I can take all that pain
And you'll never feel unloved again."

As the sailor and Jesus walk down that dark alley

With cold cups of coffee and cigarette ashes trailing

They enter ia friendship, no one can destroy

The mans heart now filled, with nothing but Joy!

The Collected Works of...

I'm going to post a couple of poems tonight. The first is a poem I wrote called "BANG!" The other two are poems written by my friend Lindsay with some addition by me. Enjoy.


"BANG!"

"The whisper of her bombshell broke my heart

BANG!

The gunshot rang out like a flashlight in the dark.

I tried to grasp the meaning in her words and failed.

I saw her jacket on the bed
As I feel to the ground, motionless and dead.

The devil in a white dress.

She stared down at me, bent down and kissed me.
Whispered on our wedding night, I don't love dear.

It would've broken my heart, I might've shed a tear.

But things like this don't matter.
My new bride was my killer.

I tried to grasp her words and failed...

Because I was already dead."



"Your Song"

"Singing with the wind,
(I SCREAM)

Dancing in the rain
(Letting it soak deeply)

Don't look back, your on your way.
(and I am left behind)

You can't see,
(Blinded by your fears)

You can't hear.
(drowning in your tears)

But you have all you need.
(Does this include me?)

All you'll ever need.
(Not including me)

You may not know where you're going,
(On this journey you have started)

But don't look back,
(That's dangerous)

You're on your way.
(to find that place called home)

What's tomorrow without today?
(more empty, broken promises)

What's a beginning without an end?
(too many tears you don't need to cry)

What's love without some pain?
(another empty ritual)

What's joy without Your song?
(Sing to me again) "



"The Voice in the Corner"

"A voice!

She heard her playing in her mind.

Who is this girl I hear?
Where's the voice(passion) I once knew.

A cold breeze freezes the room.
She waits, ever so silently,
She waits for something new.

COME and save me! HEAR me out!

Where is the beauty i once knew(I once was)?
Where is the smile that once broke the silence?

Who is she? What does she want? Could she be...

Come and save me. "

Making Right the Mistakes of My Youth

If tonight is the night that I breathe my last breath
Then I'm taking this moment to make request.

Will you go out to the street and find this young girl
Then bring her to my side before to heaven I go.

With my last bit of strength, I'll take her hand
And look deep in her eyes and say like a man

I'm sorry I left you, that cold November day
When you wait by docks, til the first week in May

See, I wasn't sure I ready to make you my wife
A decision I regretted the rest of my life.

But before I passed, I had to make it right
And make sure that you knew, you were the love of life.

So take care young girl and please don't hold a grudge
Against your untamed sailor, who wasn't sure of love.

At Night, The Sky Shows Death

I sit alone under a half moon sky
And with unlit cigarettes I scream GOD WHY?

But when no reply comes I just sit and cry.

I don’t want to question the way that you move
But if you’re not real, I won’t live without you.

Chase the Lion

Mark Batterson posted this on his blog and I love it so I'm posting it.

Quit living as if the purpose of life is to arrive safely at death. Set God-sized goals. Pursue God-ordained passions. Go after a dream that is destined to fail without divine intervention. Keep asking questions. Keep making mistakes. Keep seeking God. Stop pointing out problems and become part of the solution. Stop repeating the past and start creating the future. Stop playing it safe and start taking risks. Expand your horizons. Accumulate experiences. Enjoy the journey. Find every excuse you can to celebrate everything you can. Live like today is the first day and last day of your life. Don't let what's wrong with you keep you from worshiping what's right with God. Burn sinful bridges. Blaze a new trail. Criticize by creating. Worry less about what people think and more about what God thinks. Don't try to be who you're not. Be yourself. Laugh at yourself. Quit holding out. Quit holding back. Quit running away.

Hearts

I should be seeping right now but I was hit with a verse and wanted to write it real quick.

"Winter hearts will break whence freezed
And summer hearts burn easily.
In Spring and fall we mend and sew
our shattered hearts for new loves to hold.
But our twine is fragile and again we'll break
our little hearts we give away.
We sit and wait, and watch and hope
for someone to come and fill this hole.
To love us in the heat and snow
Through our highs and in our lows.
We sit by window sills and stare
At our one true love, just standing there.
They knock at our door and call name
But we're tired of playing this silly game.
The sun goes down and they walk away,
but tomorrow is another day."

World Waits

I really need to start taking the advice I give to others for myself. It's so easy for me to offer advice and give encouragment without taking that advice for myself. Lately I've really felt like I need some encouragment in my life.

Anyway, the advice I gave/give that I should take for myself is to not let screw ups to mess up your life and throw you of course. I think as a christian it's easy for me to beat myself up for messing up and missing the mark but God wants us to get up and continue. We're only human and we're not perfect and we're going to miss the mark from time to time. The idea is to not give up but to keep going.


Here's a video for Jeremy Enigk's song "World Waits". It's an incredible song (and incredible album) that I've been listening to a lot lately.

Just ask

A quick in the moment inspiration post. I was reading in Exodus and what Moses says to God sticks out to me.

"Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people.
"The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?"

And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."

Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."

And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."

Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

Exodus 33:12-23

I think sometimes we're so afraid to ask God for something because we're afraid he'll say no or we'll not get an answer but Moses wasn't afraid. He knew what he wanted and what he wanted God to do for him and the people of Israel and he just asked God.

Don't be afraid to ask. Be bold and ask!

Inspiration

Moving Forward
by Rainer Maria Rilke

"The deep parts of my life pour onward,
as if the river shores were opening out.
It seems that things are more like me now,
That I can see farther into paintings.
I feel closer to what language can't reach.
With my senses, as with birds, I climb
into the windy heaven, out of the oak,
in the ponds broken off from the sky
my falling sinks, as if standing on fishes."







THE DAWN OF WEIRD
by Derrick C Brown

‘Twas the dawn of Weird
and I had woken up early.

There was no difference between
sky and sea,
so dogs chased tennis balls into the shore break
of cumulus clouds.

Sea lions flew point
in the formations of sparrows.

Fishermen caught birds,
apologized
and set them free.
The birds were understanding and as a gift
brought back worm sandwiches
which were surprisingly tasty.

Airplanes landed safely underwater
as mermaids guided us in with pop-electric jellyfish.

Guns had turned to black licorice.
All the cops were nibbling on shotguns
and one by one all the criminals cried
and turned themselves in
to the dentist.

Hospitals morphed and became
rubber bounce castles.
They had to call security
to usher out the scalpels
and to keep the elderly
from hogging the twisty slide.

Billboards became drive-in movie screens
replaying what our feet looked like
when we were chasing our dreams.

Everyone walked home.

And all the tombstones
in all the graveyards
crumbled into seeds.

Flora bloomed immediately.

Bees halted on the outskirts
of the cemetery walls,
reverence for the ending,
the passing of all.

With antennae bowed
and honey tears starting,
they pledged to stand guard
of the bright human garden.

The largest pile of flowers…
It rose from your name.
The wind swelled a whisper
That said

‘They’re O.K., they’re all O.K.’

My Lord, it was a solid mountain of sunflowers.

The world blazed in color and I welcomed the change.
It was the dawn of weird and the morning of strange.

Amazing how all this
did come to pass,
just a child cutting loose
in a poetry class.