Like playing second fiddle in a two fiddle band

"No Clearance" the sign read,
As she walked away shaking her head
Once again she's been past over
She's waiting on a train to take her away

Once upon a time, she'd of been a queen
And people from the around the world would have come to see
The beauty evidence through her life would show
In all the world her greatness would grow

But she'd been rejected for the last time
No more living outcast and damned
The trains arrival, her ticket out
Of this cruel world, to heaven she's bound

Faith Expressing Itself In Love

I thought for a long time about the things I would say
But the word that came were just a spare memory
And how would express this thing
The joy in my heart, that makes me want to sing (not that I'd actually do it)

Love them were the words that made the most sense
So I put down my pen and left hoping for a chance
To meet someone new and show them a side
Of a new kind of humanity, with Christ's love inside

I Don't Believe You (She Acts Like We Never Have Met)

On a cold December night
We sit outside her favorite restaurant
Chain smoking with all the vagabonds
Singing all our favorite Dylan songs
And I plead into her emerald eyes
"Doll please don't go!"
Yet her moves betray the very words
She spoke to me the night before
"It's not for long, my dearest one"

Conflict

"The only thing worth writing about is the human heart in conflict with itself"
William Faulkner


Early morning thoughts while taking a walk in the cold

"Around every turn I take
A cold wind smacks me in the face
Just like you did that night...

And I swore my love, that I'd have revenge
For the mockery you did make of then then
But... that thought was quick fleeting.

For how can I hurt your pretty face? "


Going Remorselessly to Hell with a Piano

"In spite of better judgement I let her take me by the hand and led me out the door
This night will end badly but I need her like a newborn to their mother
And though come morning I will forget the reason why
I let her lead to the back alley bar that Satan himself owns.

Through the door I see that evil grin as the devil pours another shot
And though I shouldn't, I accept it willingly
Tonight let's feast like kings because the reality of tomorrow will just depress me.

She leads me to the corner booth that just last week I swore I wouldn't be back to
And with the sweetest voice I've heard tonight she whispers "Kiss Me"

And I offer up a simple prayer, 'Lord please forgive me"

See I know where this night ends... "

Sex is a Tragedy That Ends in Heartache

We took a trip to the city
All the girls outside were pretty
But I had the most gorgeous one of all right beside me.

Then we took a trip to the country
And there were butterflies a plenty
But their beauty paled in comparison to you.

But beauty is not what I care most about
So I planned this little trip
To see if there was more to us then making love

And what I found is I'm a weak man
And I saw that your a hypocrite
That only praise God when it benefits you the most.

So what to say to a former love
Whom I know this won't end nicely
But alas I step aside and break her heart

And she ran off to foreign countries
Where she would one day get married
And I stay at home and spent the rest of my life alone.

I regret, not a single moment I spent without her
For the silence let me spend
Some much needed time with my precious Lord.

Send More Stars

It seems to me that what I have in a discipline problem
But Lord I can't figure it out on my own
So I sit under the stars and meditate on the name
The saved my life from death and and the grave
But that day seems for very far and changed so much
And I continue to fight with this idea of you
And who I'm supposed to be in you
And I don't agree with the rest of thee
Who claim to be just like me
But they don't get the ideas I see...

...if it was happiness I had really wanted I wouldn't still be here...

But I am and that means there's more to this !

So I must confess it feels pretty hopeless sometimes
And my ways seem so far off track with what you did
But give up shall I not, for I fight the fight and push upstream
Because I'm not the norm in their church philosophy

But... that's not why I'm here anyway.

p.s. Send more Stars.

When I Didn't Run, She Turned Away

There was whiskey on her breathe and death in her smile
And she held my attention, if only for a little while
And so I left her there in South Berlin
At the wall dividing river states
And the song she sang as I raised the sails
Was not one to contemplate

See it was that girl who played with my heart
So I had to run away
From her beautiful smile and heart breaker eyes
That would steal the rest of my days.

Shakespeare wasn't far off

All the world's a stage
Though I'm not great actor
But I have one hell of a mask
And when it's on you'll never even see the real me
And that's just how I like it, I'd much rather hide
Because on the inside I'm mighty flawed
And I'm not sure I want you to see what's really me

Angela's Song

There's an expression of time that hides in her eyes
But I saw it once when she shared a smile
And my heart did break as she shed a tear
And freed herself from childish fear.

Red Wine on Christmas

With a glass of red wine and Vince Guaraldi on
I sit by myself beside the Christmas tree
I reflect on the year and look through the greed
And like good ole Charlie Brown
I try to find meaning.
Because it's not that I mind the gifts under the tree
Infact I'm looking forward to the ones that belong to me
But I know that there's more and I know that you care
Because if you hadn't, I wouldn't be here still
So I take this small moment, on a cold Christmas eve
With a now empty wine glass and a cat at my sleeve
And say thanks to my father, whose love I still need

The Problem

I could count for years how I lost my way
And by your standards, today was not a good day
See I try and fail
And I try again... only to fail again
Oh whoa is me that I can't seem to ever get this right
G*d what must be done, when will I see the light
Or will I wander around forever
Looking for a peace that will never come?

My past remains and in this moment my futures not bright
And the struggle is seems endless but I continue to suggest a fight
But my own self is weak
And the affliction runs deep
But the choice is still mine
And I've considered defeat.

Though I pray for forgiveness and say that I'm sorry
By this time tomorrow, it's the same old story
Though G*d never gives up
I'm still breaking his heart
I feel lost and alone
Not sure where to start.

The Devil is Near But I Wouldn't Want Her Anywhere Else

My love, my love stand next to me
And wrap your frame oh so tightly
Even though all you'll cause me is pain
I love it when you're near all the same
Because despite my deep dark hate of you
There's this thing in my heart that won't go without
That smile you give is oh so nice
And if I never see it again I wouldn't think twice
Because behind those eyes, oh Gorgeous eyes
Is your sisister heart, with your evil plan
But I prayed before and I'll pray again
For God to keep you in his hands
But until the day you make your turn
I'll continue to hold you near.

je leverai les yeux a toi.

Something my friend Lindsay posted earlier today.

"Why do we live for anything but Him? Why do we chase things that are meaningless? Why do we run for things that'll kill us in the end? Why do we keep our focus on death?

Why can't we live for what we should? Why can't we run after Him with everything we have?

Oh but we can!

Why do we choose to look the other way? Why do we choose to be ignorant? Why do we choose to hold on? Why do we choose to care? Why do we choose to follow the world... even if we say we're not? Why do we fall, and stay there, instead of getting back up? Why can't we be bigger then ourselved? We never live for anything but ourselves, and i don't understand it. We're all human, we aren't perfect, but... we can strive for that.

We can put ourselves behind us, and run for the cross.

Weekend works

There's a Heartache Over the Rainbow

With every passing step she took
I knew she'd never give a look
Back the way from which she came
Her life she thought best to begin again

"The ship set sail that faithful day
And holding on, her mighty claim
That would speak of fairy tales
About her life, amist the gales

She never thought herself ordinary
A prince or king she thought she'd marry
So she left behind a common life
Only to become a sailors wife

And her one true love she left behind
Would not last long, with her gone he died
But a single tear he never shed
On wings of angels is how fled

Over the rainbow, to heaven above
To only one he really loved."



Untitled

"There's this joy in my heart that I wish I could hide
Because after joy shortly follows is pain
And try as I might to relish the moment
The tide comes in and my shattered heart washes into the sea.

And I pour myself out, to a God I can't see
Asking to fix my brokenness, and put my frantic mind at ease

Colaspsed on the shore, I feel joy returning
And I hold on too tightly
For the tide starts it's churning

A whisper is shared, with the sea coming in
My heart now restored, as my joys swept away. "

A song about a girl. Who found God... and then vanished

How could I consider letting go
Of the light, that I seen, inside her grow
To a woman, whose love you chose to show
And the grace that touched her heart.

To me you lead her wanting
For a truth, to her seemed new
And my heart leapt of prayers answered
Of the girl I always knew

But alas our time was fleeting
And she's sailed a different course
But can I just turn and leave her
My heartbeats with more remorse

...And... I'd already fallen in love...

"Forgive Me" were the only words they read...

"Reconciliation!
I hope to find through my confession
Accept this as a demonstration of love."

My Sin has a hold of Me

"What must it take for me to prove
Holy and righteous, unblemeshed to you?

But the stain on my heart runs deep within
A sick twist crimson, in the form of my sin.

Yet the only one who can take my blame
Is the very one I've put to shame.

So I hide myself from the very one
Who no matter how I try, I can't escape from.

I wish, so sincere, but a strong will I lack
And I run to whore, who's knife's in my back."

Bell of the Ball

When she enters the room
She makes every head turn
She's the Bell of the ball
She the fairest of all

But tonight is the night
With her target in sight
She'll not wait another moment
For Mr. Right to blow it

She's calling the shots
And taking her chances
While the other girls mock
And return to their dances

But she won't be dismayed
She's made up her mind
And the whole town will talk
But oh what a find

With courage in hand
And hope in her heart
She approaches the man
But has no place to start...

Confusion aside
She takes him aside
"I'm in love" she exclaims
With a smile real wide.

Back Doors Lead to Secrets

She walks into the room with presence of importance
And from my dark little corner I stare... just a moment to long

But she walks on by...

And I return to my beer, as she exits from the rear...

But for just one moment I sensed it in the air
That there was more that just happened here...

Not that I'll ever know

November Rain

She turns to me and smiles
With a look she only gives me
And I wrap my arounds her
Never wanting to let go
And her deep blue eyes search through me
So I look down to meet her gaze
And we stand embraced for hours
In the cool November rain.