2006 is Over

So kiss 2006 goodbye. But before we let go completely I'm going to give you a run down on the music, movies, news stories and personal things that 2006 will be remembered for (at least this week anyway).

Top 10 Records of the 2006

11. The Blood Brothers - Young Machetes: I'm doing 11 records this year because I love the Blood Brothers new album. It' so much fun. Great, loud, fun post-punk. An awesome record.

10. Beirut - Gulag Orkestar: My introduction to this record was a co-worker telling me he loved it. So I gave it a listen. My first response was it wasn't really anything special. But I kept listening and kept listening and have come to love this record. Who doesn't love a little world circus music? A record that is catchy enough to keep you coming back.

09. Sébastien Schuller - Happiness: Another co-worker recommendation. A good mix of electronic instruments and catchy songwriting.

08. Starflyer 59 - My Island: Every year there will be a Starflyer 59 or Joy Electric record in my top 10. This year is no different. My Island is the most fun record Starflyer has released since The Fashion Focus. A very drum and bass heavy record (which they'vereallyy never had). The title track reminds me a lot of Daniel Amos. More great music from my favorite band.

07. The Appleseed Cast - Peregrine: I like the Appleseed Cast. I really liked Mare Vitalis and Low Level Owl when they came out. What I call "intelligent emo". I was slightly disappointed when Two Conversations came out and was more worried when they signed with the Militia Group. But my fears were lost as soon as I heard the opening track to Peregrine, "Ceremony". At that moment I knew I had nothing to fear. This record isn't as beautiful or technical as Mare Vitalis or Low Level Owl but it's a brutal rock album. Good live show a couple weeks ago @ the 930 Club.

06. Johnny Cash - A Hundred Highways: Anyone who knows me knows I love Johnny Cash and I was terribly sad when he passed away. So having a new Cash record was great news to me. I was excited. This is the record he recorded right before his death and you can tell. Cash himself sounds like the voice of death at times. "If You Could Read My Mind" is the most fragile Cash has ever sounded. A beautiful song. An amazing collection of songs for his last record. Thanks for the songs Johnny.

05. Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere: I know what you're thinking. A mainstream record in my top ten. YES! I have a secret love for really good hip-hop. Gnarls Barkley is really good hip-hop. The first time I heard Crazy I was sold. This record starts and finishes strong. Plus their cover of "Gone Daddy Gone" is incredible. If you haven't heard this record you're stupid.

04. Kaki King - ...Until We Felt Red: There are moments when a song enters your life and won't leave and you're happy about that. Jessica by Kaki King was that song. Her latest record ...Until We Felt Red was released during a transition period in my life. Jessica was the right song at the right moment. It's a song I will still listen to everytime it comes on. It's since been replaced by "Gay Sons by Lesbian Mothers" as my favorite track on the record (which she performs live perfectly). An amazing guitarist and, as it turns our, songwritter.

03. Unwed Sailor - Circles/The White Ox: Both of these records came out under the radar which really surprised me because The Marionettee and the Music Box was so well received. 2 great eps by one of the best instrumental bands out there.

02. mewithoutYou - Brother Sister: mewithoutYou is awesome. They're great live and they have great records and they're awesome guys. Brother Sister is their best record yet. If you like insightful and meaningful lyrics to great rock music (and let me mention a harp) then you need to hear this record. It didn't leave my cd player or itunes playlist for 2 months. It's always a pleasure to hear something fresh in music and that's what mewithoutYou is.

01. Hammock - Raising Your Voice... Trying to Stop an Echo: Hammock = Amazing. When I first heard Winter Lights on a Christmas podcast last year I went online and bought Kenotic and Stranded Under Endless Skies and played them nonstop. Jump ahead to Novemember. Hammock signs to Darla and releases Raising Your Voice... Trying to Stop an Echo. I ordered it and then fell in love. Hammock makes great atmospheric music. Layers of guitars, sparse vocals, a hint of percussion, plus Matt Slocum on Cello. I am still trying to wrap my head around all the layers and sounds of this record. Beautiful.

Movie of the Year:

There were a lot of good movies this year. I saw a lot more movies in theaters this year then any previous. But out of all the movies that came out this year my favorite was "The Departed". You can't ask for much more in a movie. A, generally, quick movie plot, lots of action, a great cast, and a stellar ending. Scorsese should get an Oscar for sure.

Stuff:

Steve Irwin, The Crocodile Hunter, died this year. I joked a lot about this because he did spend his adult life jumping onto crocodiles and picking up deadly snakes and then to have a stingray kill you was amusing to me but he will be the person I miss the most. I always enjoyed The Crocodile Hunter as a tv show and as bad as his movie was I was still entertained because hey, it's the freaking Crocodile Hunter!

Al Gore had a big comeback in 2006 with An Inconvenient Truth. Glad to see that Al can bounce back after "losing" the election like he did.

Saddam Hussein was put to death a day ago. Doesn't really help anything in Iraq.

Personal:

For me personally 2006 was a year where I learned a lot about myself and let go of most of what I was. I'm hoping in 2007 to work on things I'm not really happy with (being really shy and awkward around people I don't know) and working towards a deeper understand in who Christ is and what he wants from me. I spent most of this year just figuring out that I still love him and coming to an understanding of what I actually believe. This coming year I want to wrap myself in his love and his word. My belief is strong but that's where I feel it ends.

"We have all our beliefs, but we don't want our beliefs. God of peace, we want you."

God Bless.

A Word

So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. The those who follow you, though they are weak and lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong.

Hebrews 12:12 & 13

A season to be grateful

It's been a while since I'm posted. I took some time off to get things in my personal life together. Hopefully in 2007 I'll be back and better then ever.

Christmas is in 2 days. For the first time ever Christmas was depressing me. Between the heat and other things I was just in a funk. Again I must thank Bob Supan for his Christmas records for saving me.

Most of what was getting me down was how much America has messed up Christmas. I turn on the news and there are stories of people bitching about Christmas Trees in airports, not being able to say Merry Christmas, people spending ridiculous amounts of money on a PS3 or Tickle Me Elmo. It's really started to get me down. Christmas is a time to spend with your family and just enjoy yourself. As a Christian it's a time to remember and celebrate the birth of Christ (for those who are wondering or are just stupid, Jesus was NOT born on Christmas. It's just a celebration.)

I actually had someone lecture me about saying Happy Holidays! Get over it. We have 2 problems in America (at least on the whole Christmas debate that I can see).

First, is we've gotten to politically correct. We're so worried about offending people that we're slowly trying to get rid of Christmas. It got so out of hand that a school in Texas last year banned wearing green and red because those colors are "christmas colors" and might offend someone. Doesd anyone else have a problem with thise? Who the hell things wearing a piece of Christmas clothing is offense? And if you are that person... GET OVER IT! YOU'RE BEING RETARDED! I'm not worried about offending anyone. I don't care. I celebrate Christmas. I'll say Happy Christmas if I want. But if I know you celebrate Hannukah I'll say Happy Hannukah. It's nbot a big deal. People of America, Get over yourselfs.

The second thing is how much attention is put on the whole present thing on Christmas. There's so much money spent on Christmas buying gifts for kids, parents, girlfriends/boyfriends, friends, sibilings. People get so wrapped up in what to get and how much is spent and I don't ever hear a lot of people truly grateful if they don't get exactly what they want. We get and get and get on Christmas and I wonder if people ever thing about really giving. Christmas is a time when you can truly make a difference in someones life. Has anyone ever just bought a gift for someone they know but might not normally get something for. How about inviting someone over for Christmas dinner who you know is going to be alone. Helping out at a soup kitchen? There is so much we can do not only around the holidays but that we should take advantage of.

Jesus spent his time on earth helping those who needed help. He was friends with those who didn't have friends. As someone who tries to follow Jesus' example I really want to take time out of my schedule to help those who it. To show love to everyone. This Christmas I don't want to complain about what I didn't get but be grateful for what I did get and what I already have. I reccomend taking some time this Holiday season and just be thankful for your life.

So I'm going to bring some culture to your sad lives (that means you Jay).

Music Review: Kaki King " Until We Felt Red"

So if you don't know who Kaki King is you're missing out. So America, Pay Attention! This is her 3rd album and it's brilliant. Her first two albums were mainly these beautiful acoustic instrumentals. Great guitar work. This album expands a little more on atmospherics and layers. There is still the great guitar work and beautiful sounds but tracks like Jessica, Soft Shoulder, Gay Sons of Lesbian Mothers have beautiful layers of guitars and keys, sparse drums, and beautiful vocals. This record has moments that remind me of Slowdive and My Bloody Valentine. Very lush. Jessica is my favorite track on the album. It hits the nail on the sound and style I've been trying to create for years now. This album will be in my top 10 this year.

Movie Review: Half Nelson

I'm very bad at reviewing movies. This movie stars Ryan Gosling (the Notebook). It's the story of a crack addict teacher and his relationship with a student of his. Amazing movie. You should see it.

A new coffee house opened up last night. It’s close to my place so I will be here a lot. Good coffee.

My thing for the past year as been people. I’ve really been people based and focused on how I treat other people. I read through the new testament in the bible and see how Jesus went around treating others and how people based his ministry was. It’s the one thing we as Christians try and strive for (being like Jesus) but the one thing I feel we come most short of.

There was a commercial on tv a couple of months ago where all these different people are sitting in church ( a gay couple, a single mother with a baby, a homeless guy) and slowly, each one these people are ejected out of the church. I don’t remember what denomination of church is was but there slogan at the end of the commercial was We Don’t Exclude Others (or something to that effect).

This commercial made me say WTF? It made no sense. Why would you have a commercial where people are getting kicked out of church and your slogan be all are welcome. It was one of the worst concepts for a commercial I’ve ever seen.

There are times I question the churches desire to really love people. I go to church and it seems the point is to bring people in and get them saved. I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with getting people saved but if the point of every sermon is to get people saved then the people in church will never ever grow.

The most effective I’ve ever been in telling people about Christ has been when I’ve built relationships with them. I’ve shared Jesus with people while drinking beer. How many people get to do that? Not many I’m sure. People can smell a fake.

I’m not trying to hate on the church. People take things the wrong. I like to present things in a different light. I want to be like Jesus. Jesus partied with people. He ate with people. He healed people and he truly cared for others. Jesus had relationships with people. His friends weren’t the ones who went to church. His friends were the ones who needed him.

I’ve completely lost my train of thought. This happens from time to time.

Let’s try to wrap this up.

I’m sitting here in this coffee shop just before noon thinking about my relationships. I want to live like Jesus did, with people in mind. I want to truly care and love for people like he did. I want to have relationships with others because I care about them, not just to get them saved. The biggest impact I can have in this world is if first I love, and then bring people to Christ.

John 3:16

I went to church this evening. To my surprise Dr. Frank Pedera was speaking. I always enjoy it when he preaches. He was talking about being content with what we have. His example was the children of Isreal in the dessert after they had been freed from Egypt. God provided water, food, guidance, everything they needed and all they did was complain. It got me thinking.

I've been looking for a new job lately. The main reason has been to make more money. I loe my job. I also really hate my job. The work is good, and the people aree great. Awesome creative enviorment. I couldn't really ask for better. The problem is I work really hard, putting out R-rated trash for pennies. I want to move away from Maryland (although this week I've second thoughts but that's I different topic). I'd really like to move out of my house. I'd really like to find a job in music. All these reasons are for me.

So I came to this conclusion. I'm a selfish bastard. I have a good job where I can be creative and do something I like doing. The fact that I am able to have a job in the recording industry is great. I have a place to stay with cheap rent. I'm pretty healthy. I have good friends. I have my family. I came to see that I have a pretty good life. That God has blessed me with so much and my selfishness over the last couple of months has really blocked all the good out.

I thank God that he loves me and sent his son to die for me. I'm thankful for my family. I'm really thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for my small church family and the encouragement they've given me. I am thankful for my job. I need to start bitching less and be more thankful for all the awesome things God has blessed me with.

I looked through a window and I saw into heaven
(Sweet) mother and child in a stain-glass reflection
Out over the gate we saw angels in the garden
We're gazing at a distance at our own resurrection

I'll block the door
Or I'll step outside
We'll change the world
If you want to


I was listening to Daniel Amos' Greatest Hits on my way home from the movies and their song "If You Want To" came on. Great song by a great band but not really the point.

Song verse above says we'll change the world if you want to. I feel this is something that gets talked about a lot in church and youth groups but is rarely executed in the right way. We feel like the only way to change the world is to get people saved. The goal might be to get people saved but a bunch of saved christians in church won't do anything. We'll all be in church, not out changing the world.

There's a movie out called Saved. I've gotten some crap about owning and liking this movie because people feel it makes fun of christians. I had a friend in high school. Mandy Moore's character in the movie and my friend are very similar in their personality. I've read countless articles with the people behind that movie that said they spent several months at youth groups and youth church rallys. I can tell. I think they nailed the extreme super hyped ready to roll christian youth culture.

The movie follows a character who sleeps with her boyfriend, who has just revealed he's gay, to get him back. She gets pregnant and finds real friends in the outcast of the christian school she attends. It's a great film about not judging others.

I feel we grow up in church and are expected to accept everything we're feed. We're never told to question people, never told to think for ourselves. I know one of the biggest things for me in youth group was going to bible study and being allowed to ask any question I wanted and argue any point I wanted. It helped shape my character and alot of what I believe now.

I don't believe the church can be effective and change the world by bring people to church to get saved or by going out and preaching the word on all the street corners. I believe there is some effectiveness to this but I feel there is a need for something deeper and more personal. people need to know that Jesus died because God loves them. The first thing I don't want to tell someone is that they're a dirty sinner and going to hell. The thing that has kept me going in my faith and walk is a knowledge that I'm loved by God no matter what and because his son died for me and I believe in him, God sees me as righteous.

I think as christians we need to start working on building relationships. Not so we can bring people to church and get them saved but because we care about them and want to invest in other people. If you show the love of God and people see that in you and know you've taken the time to care about them and invest in their life then you will get people saved and you will change the world.

It's time we take on a Jesus attitude and start caring about people.

Oh, if today God should call you away
What would you give in exchange for your soul


I was listening to LN's "Dirt Floor Hotel Part 1" in the car today. A beautiful piece of music. This song came on and I really started to dwell on this thought.

Lately I've been really concerned with doing God's will. Making sure I'm where he wants me and that I'm doing what I've been called to do. My biggest fear is getting to heaven and finding out I've totally messed up God's plan for me. When I think about the possibility of moving and taking another job, it really worries me that it will be the wrong one. That I'll miss the voice of God on this one. I know I've been given a rough vision from God and I can see where part of it will be fulfilled without me there but there's always that part of me that wants to be there for MY vision. But that's not always God's plan.

Paul is always talking in his letters about going to visit the churches he helped start. Most of the time he never gets there. He wanted to get to Rome but had to be shipwrecked first. What a discouragement. But Paul never got discouraged.

Jason Martin wrote a brilliant song called "Give Up the War."

"I read what they write, God's men of before. It's simply that I am still afriad to give up the war. I've played all the chords, and I guess I got bored. I wanna do it right, be someone like Paul.It's simply that he was not afraid, he never gave up the war. And to live when you're down, and live when you're always leaving. I wanna be things. Always living, pressing on. "

Peter is my favorite of the disciples. He was never afraid to stand up and do bold things. But he never got it. 3 times he said he didn't know who Jesus was. And this guy was the founder of the Christian church.

Our life on earth is so short and I'm glad that I'm consummed with trying to be in God's will. If I wasn't then what would be the point. When I get to heaven one day I want to be told that God is proud of me and the things I did for him. No matter how big or small.

"So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."
1 Corinthians 15:58

I've been too drained to post anything worth anyone's time. I don't want this blog to be me typing meaningless crap. That's the last thing we need.

I've found myself being tired. Tired in my body, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel drained completely and I'm finding it really hard to draw my strength from God. I know it's there just waiting for me. Paul summed it up nicely in Romans 7: 15-25.

"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong, and my bad conscience shows that I agree that the law is good. But I can't help myself, because it is sin inside me that makes me do evil things. I know I am rotten through and through so far as my old sinful nature is concerned. No matter which way I turn, I can't make myself do right. I want to, but I can't. When I want to do good I don't. And when I'm trying not to do wrong, I do it anyway. But if I'm doing what I don't want to do, I am not really the one doing it; the sin within me is doing it. It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God's law with all my heart. But there is another law at work within me that is at war with my mind. This law wins the fight and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God's law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."

I feel like I pray these verses every night. It's insane how the day to day things can push God out. I've tried to set up guide lines and time frames and nothing has worked out. I get so wrapped up I put God on the back shelf. That's no way to treat anyone who loves you. And I'm so damn tired of doing this. I want to have an amazing relationship with God, where I'm in his will and doing great things for him but I screw up everyday.

Now that I'm really looking at moving and finding a new job, I really want to have my heart open to hear from God, where he wants me to go. My spiritual life has been nothing but a freaking rollercoaster. A month or so ago I had an awesome vision and direction from God and now I feel tired and lost. I know the answer lies in trusting God, leaning on his understanding and wisdom and gudiance. Prayer is always welcome.

"But (as you will see): joy comes of him"
"The Birth of Christ"
by Rainer Maria Rilke

When no one is listening

Take me by the hand;
it's so easy for you, Angel,
for you are the road
even while being immobile.

You see, I'm scared no one
here will look for me again;
I couldn't make use of
whatever was given,

so they abandoned me.
At first the solitude
charmed me like a prelude,
but so much music wounded me.

"Music" by Rainer Maria Rilke

I've been a fan of Rilke's poetry since my senior year of high school. I've always felt something inspirational in the way he wrote and the words he used. Being older now I connect more with it then before.

Music is a poem I've felt a connection with lately. I've always tried to share my vision and talents in the church. Trying to do something for God and making in impact. Mostly what I've gotten is a cold shoulder. Here is a key moment that stands out.

The first was being told the church couldn't support my music, my ministry. This hurt at the time but it was also the deciding factor in not needing the church to be effective. I had always wanted to have the church be venue for bands and a place for people to come and hang out and here good music. We had the facility. We had the sound system. Whatever small support I could gain wasn't enough to persuade those in charge. I tried to book a show for myself at the church I was attending. I was told that I had great songs but the church just didn't support what I was doing.

I've come to the conclusion since then that my effectiveness for God can't reach it's full potential in the church where, dare I say, most the people already are christians. This becomes a whole different soapbox but I will share that one later. God has a heart for people. He loves people. He sent his son to die for people. For me. For you. God loves me. God loves you. I feel this point isn't brought up enough in churches. So my heart needed to change from being effective for God to being effective for others.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
"If I could speak in any language in heaven or on earth but didn't love others, I would only be making meaningless noise like a loud gong or a clanging cymbol. If I had the gift of ptophecy, and if I knew all the mysteries of the future and knew everything, but didn't love others, what good would I be? And if I had the gift of faith so that I could speak to a mountain and make it move, without love I would be no good to anybody. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would be of no value whatsoever."

Paul makes it pretty clear that if we don't love others we are useless. It's taken me a while to get this concept and I'm still not very good at it(ie, when I'm driving) but it's something I'm working on. There is a need for people to serve in church and be a part of that side of things but it will only reach so many people. Those that are most in need of God aren't at church. They aren't at youth group. They're at the bars, they're at baseball games, they're you're neighbors, they're at the mall. And they need something meaningful. They don't need a hell fire and damnation sermon. Most of them just want to know they're loved.

I believe this starts with showing the love of God. I read the gospels and I see Jesus hanging out with people. I see Jesus healing people. I see Jesus doing what's right. I see him not condeming others for their choices. I see Jesus show us how to love. How to treat others. I see an example. Something I want to be. I believe that is the true meaning of being christlike. There is no perfect person in all of history except for Jesus. I will never be perfect. Try and try as I might I will always fail.

The beauty is God doesn't see that. Because God loved me and sent his son Jesus to die for my sins. The same Jesus who conquered death and rose from the grave on the third day. The same Jesus and God who I put my faith in. Because of that God sees me as holy and righteous. So all I can do is try my best to be what God wants me to be. To love everyone. To be cool to everyone.

My new vision is to love others. Above all else it is to show others the love of God. To build relationships with those around me and show them love.

John 3:16
"For God so love me, that he sent his only son so that if I believe in him I will not perish but I will have eternal life. "